Heartfelt Countdown
by Enstrangled Blue Rose
Summary: There were seven people that Saeran felt drawn to, his only... friends. Such a foreign word on a monster's tongue. It wasn't something a monster should even think of saying, much less when the monster that seemed to be getting better is only actually getting worse... worse... and he can't stop himself. -No ship fic except implied MCxSeven. Not a great summary but it'll do.
1. Seven

**Yo! Morgen (or, if you wanna be more formal, Trojan Exploiter) here!**

 **I just wanted to warn you: this fic has some themes that could be triggering to some people, and could potentially give you emotions that you don't want.**

 **There are mentions of depression, death, regret, low-key panic attacks, accidental self-harm, and angst.**

 **This is not a fluff fic, and it may not end well. Please expect to feel feelings when reading this.**

 **You have been warned!~**

 **This was originally going to be a fic with seven chapters, but I am not completely sold on that, so I may end up adding more, or simply expanding on the story.**

* * *

The countdown starts at, unsurprisingly, 7.

Saeran always had a unique relationship with his twin. He looked up to Saeyoung, but at the same time pledged his undying dislike of him.

He lied about all of his hatred, of course. He just didn't want to get hurt by his twin again.

There were some days, of course, when golden eyes would meet their kind, before one pair was overshadowed by mint green. They would watch each other, almost entranced by one another.

If anyone else had found out, or brought it up, Saeyoung would have declared that their souls would merge for a short time. The two halves would become a whole, and everything would be right in the world.

Saeran, on the other hand, would deny such a moment's existence.

It took a very long time.

A long time filled up to the eyes with anxiety and sleepless nights and hair-pulling.

It took time, but eventually, Saeran began to tolerate Saeyoung's existence. He loosened up- even accepted Saeyoung's desperate offers of an olive branch between the two after even more time. He still had strange fits of emotion at times, but he was getting better all the time.

* * *

"Is this thing recording?... Looks like it is... Well, here goes, then. I may never have said it to your face in these past few years, but... I love you, you know. Deep down, I guess... I always have. I've always just been trying to impress you, Saeyoung. Sorry I can't... do that anymore."

* * *

"Luciel Choi," Jaehee spoke in a commanding tone. The man in question froze and turned around on his heels with a comically goofy grin as he gazed down at her.

"Yeah? What's up, Jaehee?" he greeted her happily, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"Please drop the act," she responded coldly. "I want to know what is going on with Saeran. Everyone is concerned. Just tell us that he is okay, please."

Saeyooung's smile had never vanished faster.

"Blunt," he commented, looking away quickly.

"Just answer the question."

"Saeran's going through a difficult point in his life. He doesn't know who to turn to..." Saeyoung let a small sigh escape his lips. "I can't even help him anymore. I don't know who can help him but himself."

Jaehee blinked at Saeyoung. "Are you saying he's only getting more depressed, instead of getting better?"

Saeyoung looked down. "I should really go... and... do some work," he whispered. He turned and hurried off, leaving a semi-confused, concerned Jaehee in his wake.


	2. Six

The next number in the countdown was 6.

Jumin did not seem to be the ideal 'friend,' but he was more relaxing to be around than some of the other members, since he did not try to get so close and ask questions that would leave Saeran's eye twitching in annoyance. So, for the purpose of his sanity, Jumin was the one who was closer to Saeran than most of the RFA. Besides, formality didn't change, and Saeran was fine with that. Elizabeth the 3rd was a common topic, which Saeran was also fine with.

He didn't particularly mind the feline- and one time, when Saeyoung took a couple steps too far from the line and catnapped 'Elly,' Saeran slipped her from under his nose and hid her in his own room until Jumin found his way there.

* * *

"Saeran, what seems to be the issue?"

"...What isn't?"

"Plenty of things aren't. Open your eyes and look around you. You... can see what V could not."

* * *

Saeran turned the hourglass in his hand over, and over, and over again, watching the red sand shift from side to side, but never letting all of the sand to one side.

"Jumin glanced up from his work every so often to check on Saeran, his eyebrows knitted in concern.

"So, what happens next in this story?" Jumin inputted. The hourglass flipped.

"Next?... Next, he finds himself overwhelmed. He's scared, because everyone he thought he could trust has turned against him. Everyone except-" the hourglass flipped. "Why the hell am I doing this again? This is pointless and stupid."

"No, please, continue," Jumin coaxed. "Luciel said this may do you some good. And, while I would never trust him with Elizabeth the 3rd, I feel like I can trust his word with nearly anything pertaining to his... beloved brother."

The hourglass flipped a couple more times, with Saeran staring with almost-creepy intensity at it as he remained silent.

Jumin grew impatient. "Saeran-"

"No," Saeran growled suddenly, standing up abruptly. "No, no, no." He headed for the door. "I've already got enough to worry about without being reminded of my past! Third person my ass- I'm still talking about myself!" The hourglass dropped from Saeran's hand as he rushed out of the door, spilling red grains of sand all over Jumin's floor.

He sighed heavily. "Assistant Kang, send the janitor to my office," he said after picking up the phone and pressing a button. Then he placed the telephone back and looked out the window.

Strange. It was snowing.

It was a bit late in the year to be snowing...


	3. Five

Next was 5.

Saeran, at first, avoided Hyun, or Zen, like the plague. Zen was too narcissistic, it seemed, and the twin of Saeyoung decided early on that they would not get along. But during one party, Saeran found himself shaking and almost ready to lose his cool until Zen jumped in and lead him gently to a quiet corner.

"Do you need me to leave and get Seven for you?" he'd asked, gentle but worried.

"No. No, just stay here," Saeran responded quietly.

Zen had smiled slightly. "Okay."

Since then, they had grown to be on semi-friendly terms. Sometimes, it seemed that Zen was the only one truly able to calm Saeran from a spontaneous rage that threatened to overcome him.

* * *

"Saeran, you've been ignoring my calls lately. I'm really worried. Just call me and tell me you're alright..."

* * *

Saeran looked at his phone.

69 missed calls- he'd snicker if he had the energy. But he didn't, so he wouldn't.

Ironically, he had 707 missed messages.

 _This,_ he did indeed snicker over. Saeyoung, who was across the room, jumped slightly and looked back over his shoulder at his brother with his lips pursed in a tense frown.

"What is it?" he asked, anxiously twitching.

"Seven hundred seven missed messages," Saeran replied, dropping his phone on his chest and holding his right shoulder. His hand ghosted down and brushed over his tattoo.

Saeyoung sighed and turned back to the computer, hunching over slightly. "I see," he mumbled humourlessly.

The phone buzzed against Saeran's chest, beginning to play some sort of music box theme.

After a good 15 or 30 seconds, the music stopped.

Seventy missed calls. This last one from Zen, along with a voicemail.

He decided not to listen to it. Not yet. He could pour his regrets over it later.

"I want to get rid of it."

Saeyoung jerked slightly in his chair. "What?"

Saeran looked over at his brother from the bed in which he laid. "My tattoo. I want to get rid of it. That's all…" There was a tense pause. "I'm not used to being cooped up like this, where I'm trapped but I can still leave."

"No," Saeyoung said firmly, not turning away from his screen. "No, you can't."

Saeran chose to stay quiet.


	4. Four

4 was represented by Jaehee.

Jaehee and Saeran found themselves chatting every so often on the messenger; just quick, often formal things. Neither would dare to

purposefully irk the other, and it became a friendship based on mutual respect. Jaehee would sometimes complain about her work, and Saeran would confirm that they weren't always unfounded. Even so, there were times when he would scare Jaehee by agreeing with her.

He said that his work wasn't the best, either. That if it weren't for _her_ , his savior, his sun and moon, he would have given up long ago.

Then he would stop abruptly and find an excuse to leave the messenger.

* * *

 **Jaehee Kang**

Saeran? I heard from the others that you have been acting odd.

 **Unknown**

I don't want to talk about it.

 **Jaehee Kang**

I see.

 **Jaehee Kang**

Well, just know that all of the RFA is here for you.

 **Jaehee Kang**

Feel free to confide in us if you have a change of heart.

 **Unknown**

…

 **Unknown**

Fine.

 **Unknown**

I'll keep that in mind.

* * *

"Thanks for these tickets, Zen!" Saeyoung giggled, covering his mouth slightly. "I kne~ew you love me!"

Zen smiled slightly, looking between Jaehee and Saeyoung. There was more distance between the two than there usually was, which he had picked up on immediately by Zen.

"No problem! It's only natural that I invite all of my friends… where's Saeran?"

Saeyoung's smile faltered. "Oh, he's at home. He said he wasn't feeling well, so he wanted to stay at home."

"Did something happen to him?" Jaehee asked pointedly.

"He's not a social person," Zen responded, a little quieter this time. "So I guess it makes sense." He could actually _see_ Saeyoung relax because of this- and that's when he added, "but it _doesn't_ explain why he hasn't been answering any texts, chat rooms, or calls. The only reason we know he's still alive is because Yoosung plays LoLoL with him."

Saeyoung became a caged animal- he glanced nervously at Zen, then Jaehee, then Zen again. "I don't think I'm in any position to talk about-"

"Seven." Jaehee stepped closer, and Saeyoung could feel his resolve crumbling under her gaze. "We are his _friends,_ his _allies._ Please, just tell us whatever it is that happened, and we will react accordingly."

Saeyoung shook his head and stepped away, quickly building his internal wall and becoming cold and distant. "I can't tell you anything," he said firmly before turning on his heel and walking off, the tickets crumpling in his grip.


	5. Three

That girl was 3.

Saeran found himself giving her the cold shoulder, due to how close-knit she was with his brother. She made him suspicious with her lack of response most of the time- but she still had a Saeyoung-like vibe to her, with silly pranks and jokes.

It took him a longer time to open up to her than it did for him to open up to his twin, but when he finally did, he found himself able to relax his suspicions around her.

* * *

"Hey. Um..."

"Yes, what is it, god Saeran? Hehehe!~"

"Don't do that- I'm being serious here. I... think I... might need some... advice."

* * *

"You weren't scared before," Saeran snarled at his reflection. "What changed? _What changed?_ "

His reflection said nothing, preferring instead to mock his movements.

It was bad luck to break a mirror, supposedly, but he couldn't get much more bad luck in his life.

This mistake was his own fault, just how the broken mirror he found in front of him when he snapped back to attention from a dreamlike, violent trance. His fist was in the middle, and there was a beautiful, cobweb-shaped area of impact that he felt like he had to admire for a moment, even as red trickled slowly down from where his fist was. Somehow, this made him calmer. It gave him some sort of clarity over his emotions, if only for a time.

For now, he was in a peaceful fog, his eyes shielded from a brilliant, terrifying sun.

But one day, he knew the sun would show again, peeking through the clouds with a grin and turning the blue sky a sickening gold.

He almost crumpled to the ground, but felt arms wrap catch him before he hit the ground. He blanked out completely as he was lead by soft hands and sweet words to the bathroom.

He let her clean his knuckles of glass without putting up any sort of fight.

She didn't even try to scold him. Just regarded him, sadly, with an almost motherly undertone.


	6. Two

2\. Yoosung, the college student.

Yoosung was shockingly easy to open up to, probably due to his childish, semi-silly demeanour. Saeyoung suggested they hang out and bond over games, which both accepted. One was excited, the other grudgingly dragging his feet.

Then, that's just what they did.

Saeran found Yoosung to be drawing to the part of him that was still just a lost child- after a while it became completely common for the two of them to buy two cartons of ice cream and hang out to play LoLoL. Or simply to play together online, with each in their respective rooms miles apart.

* * *

"Saeran!" Zen gasped when he saw the boy had appeared at his performance, rushing to him once it was over. "I didn't think you were coming!"

Saeran snorted in response. "What would make you think that?"

He didn't even need to see Saeyoung to sense that his twin's walls were up- he was shut off from affections. Jaehee and Zen noticed Saeyoung's aloof coldness, but decided to focus more on Saeran for the time being.

"Well, you've been gone a lot recently," Jaehee pointed out, careful to watch her words.

"Are you okay?" Zen asked tentatively, leaning a little closer to Saeran. "You look like you're about to bolt..."

"I'm fine," Saeran insisted, tapping his fingers on his leg. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Saeyoung snapped to attention, looking over at Saeran.

"Hey, bro, don't push yourself," Saeyoung said quietly.

"I'm _not_ pushing myself," Saeran snapped in reply, giving Saeyoung a quick, sharp glare. "My head just hurts, okay? It's fine."

"Will you tell us what happened at least? You haven't been answering anything," Zen requested. But softly- he didn't want to anger Saeran, he seemed unexpectedly touchy. Then he tossed in a little joke- "I missed you, and I think I would die if you left! You don't want this handsome actor to die, now do you?"

Saeyoung laughed a little, but it had a nervous tone to it.

Saeran was not similarly amused.

"I don't care," he mumbled, his eyes dark. "...Nice performance today." Then, he turned around and started to walk away in the other direction.

Saeyoung shot Jaehee a panicked glance and then turned and ran after his brother.

* * *

"So, Saeran!" Yoosung chirped over the headset. The redhead jumped slightly at the sound, blinking almost in confusion before responding.

"Uh, yes? What is it?"

Yoosung's voice got a pitch or two deeper, as well as quieter, almost as if he was telling some sort of secret about someone nearby. "I heard that you've been acting kind of weird lately. Can you tell me what's up? Please?"

Saeran sat in silence for a bit.

"Saeyoung can tell you," he said then, before quickly logging out of the server.


	7. One

"My name is Saeran Choi," he stated with a slight waver in his voice, "and I made the mistake of believing the words of a snake."

Jumin blinked at Saeran. "I thought you had decided that this was stupid. I think I recall you breaking something on my floor when you decided it, too."

Saeran was quiet for a moment.

"I can't go back to the hospital without being taken to a psychiatric ward," he announced bluntly. Almost casually, calmly.

"I know. What is your point? You are going to have to be more direct than that for me to truly comprehend the situation you are in. And even then I may not be able to understand."

Saeran let out a frustrated sigh. "Listen, Jumin Han. I might actually accept Saeyoung's offer of moving from Korea with Saeyoung and-"

Jumin stood up so suddenly, his chair fell over behind him. "What?!"

Saeran flinched, stumbling slightly. "What the hell? I'm trying to tell you what is happening, calm the fuck down."

Jumin pressed his fingers on the desk, concerned. "...So explain why you may be moving, then."

Jaehee froze in the doorway when she saw Saeran meeting with Jumin. She wasn't ready for anything she saw or heard.

* * *

 **707**

On the last stretch of work! Lololol

 **ZEN**

Why are you online if you are doing work?

 **Yoosung**

I'm working, too!

 **Yoosung**

It's easier than it seems!

 **Yoosung**

 **Happy emoji**

 **707**

Omg… u work and go on the messenger?

 **707**

I can do that

 **707**

but u cannot!

 **707**

Do that!

 **Yoosung**

I can't?

 **Yoosung**

Lol, no way, this is one of your pranks again, isn't it?

 **Jaehee Kang has entered the chat room**

 **707**

omg;; im serious!

 **707**

U cant do that, or there will be serious problems with the messenger!

 **Jaehee Kang**

Luciel Choi, cut the crap.

 **707**

?!

 **707**

what!

 **Jaehee Kang**

Talk. About your brother's disease.

 **Yoosung**

Huh? Is there something wrong with him?

 **707**

…

 **Jaehee Kang**

 **There is something very wrong with him.**

 **707**

 **How do you know about my brother's sickness.**

 **Yoosung**

Um;;

 **ZEN**

Saeran is sick?

 **Jaehee Kang**

That doesn't matter.

 **Jaehee Kang**

If you had just told us, we could have helped Saeran.

 **707**

Saeran

 **707**

If u read this

 **707**

 **Im sorry**

 **707**

 **Its not your place to know, jaehee**

 **Yoosung**

What do you mean?

 **Yoosung**

If it's about Saeran, it involves us!

 **Yoosung**

He's our friend!

 **ZEN**

I have to agree with Yoosung here

 **ZEN**

We can't just brush this off.

 **Jaehee Kang**

You have been secretive throughout most of your time with the RFA.

 **Jaehee Kang**

I think you owe it to us to be truthful for once.

 **707**

I dont owe u anything

 **Yoosung**

Please, just tell us!

 **Yoosung**

Is he going to be okay?

 **707**

lol no he's not

 **707 has left the chat room**

 **ZEN**

?!

* * *

"Thanks for driving me up here," Saeran mumbled, glancing over at the driver before looking back over at Jumin.

"Of course. I should have come up here earlier, but I simply didn't. Now I think I was stupid not to," Jumin replied calmly. He watched as Saeran walked forward, not responding to his statement. Saeran knelt down and placed a hand on the grass with a frown.

"I think I'll stay here for a while," he mused quietly, sitting down and looking up at the sky. His free hand went up and pressed against his chest, and he stayed like that, almost tranquil.

Jumin hesitated, not wanting to disturb this ritual. He stayed silent and simply walked up and stood next to Saeran. But at a little distance, so he didn't block the view of the sky.

And what a beautiful sky it was- blue, flecked with cloudy white impurities that made it all perfectly imperfect.

He was called V. That was not his name, but everyone knew him as such, so it became the next best thing. Sitting there like this, under the open sky, Saeran could almost feel his presence. The ground was still just a bit muddy from the snow that had fallen around a week ago, but he knew, somehow, that V would not mind. He was open like that. He invited and loved everything that came his way.

Saeran hated that, but… but. Now, he felt like he could accept V for who he was. An idiot, yes. Too trusting, too kind, undoubtedly. But… somehow… he could forgive it. He could forgive it.

The sun decided to take a glance through the clouds, and Saeran flinched at the brightness with a small hiss, turning his head away.

"What seems to be the matter?" asked Jumin, snapping to attention.

"Just… looked right at the sun,"Saeran responded, cringing and swaying slightly.

"You do not look like you just looked at the sun. Do we need to go back?"

"No!" Saeran barked, bristling for a moment before forcing himself to calm down, his grip tightening.

Jumin blinked when his phone began to vibrate and ring. Saeran let a sound of annoyance at this, but Jumin just flicked his phone out of his pocket and answered the call.

"Yes, Saeyoung, what is it? … Slow down, I don't understand you when you say every word in the dictionary and beyond at once. … Saeran? Yes, he is here. … Saeran, Saeyoung says to check the messenger."

Saeran raised an eyebrow and took his phone out of his pocket. 71 missed calls. Over 999 missed messages.

Oh, great.

And his headache and heartburn weren't getting any better.

Why couldn't he just be left in peace…?


End file.
